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All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)
Movie Review by The Mortician

All The Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006) Finished in 2006, this slasher movie took seven years to finally get released due to some kind of hangup with distribution companies going bankrupt (due to Robert R. and Quentin T.'s GRINDHOUSE bombing so badly!!). In that seven years, the movie garnered much "praise" and "interest" from those who saw it---dubbing it the 21sth Century's SCREAM. I really looked forward to seeing this thing! When it snuck onto the streaming markets with no fanfare...I checked it out. Wow, what a boring, plodding, silly clunker of a slasher movie. Most of the flick is just a bunch of teens without character at all (and I'm comparing 'em to teen 'characters' in say...any FRIDAY THE 13th movie!!!). They cuss, they drink heavily, they ponder nothing, and they do drugs. Oh, and every one of them wants to sex up Mandy Lane, a high school classmate who "developed" and "came of age" sometime in the past year. Even some of her high school gal pals want a piece of her, and every guy makes an ass out of himself trying to bend over backwards to get her drunk and under the sheets. Of course, Mandy rejects them all and is seen as a "bitch." (And truthfully, with her boring personality, I'm not sure who would even WANT to be around her!) She does have a male best friend, Emmet, who is kind of her pal and keeper. Before Mandy became everyone's object of desire, she and Emmet were bullied by all these same rich kids. Anyway, at the beginning of the movie there's a 'prank' that goes wrong (some drunk jock tries to jump in his pool from the roof of his house to impress Mandy but, er, misses the pool!). Later on, Mandy and Emmet are invited to a party at an isolated ranch by some of dead drunk jock's friends, and after about 45 minutes or so of witless banter, drugs, and alcohol, the murders start. Seriously, this movie is so boring it took me three or four sittings to get through it. I can barely remember any of the killings---maybe some stabbings? There's was lots of shooting and gunplay at the end, but it was totally overdone for a SLASHER movie. There's a war veteran ranch hand red herring, and a couple of friends of the jock who could be the killer...but from my plot description, it's pretty easy to figure out who REALLY is the killer. When the twist comes, it's been painfully obvious the whole time, and it does liberally borrow from the SCREAM movies' twist endings. Even though things do get bloody at the end, by then...it's just too late. MANDY makes the cardinal sin of just being one of those slasher movies that bores you to tears and you can barely remember it. Man, what a disappointing viewing experience this one was. If you want to see a good slasher movie, check out...any FRIDAY THE 13th or HALLOWEEN or SCREAM movie. ALL of those flicks and their weaker sequels blow this one away!

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