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Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
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Amityville Haunting, The (2011)
Movie Review by The Mortician

Amityville Haunting, The (2011) Okay, so it LOOKS like it's part of the AMITYVILLE HORROR franchise and is definitely being advertised that way...but what we have here is another Asylum Ca$h-in on the franchise that went downhill many decades ago after the interesting and underrated AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION. Here, the "story" idea is influenced, again, by modern technology and the routine "found footage" style of the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movies. This one opens up strong, with some teens "breaking into" the old Amityville house to party and have sex (and yep, there's some eye catching nudity to keep you interested!) and suddenly "evil forces" off them in...well, cheapjack offscreen ways, to say in the least. The biggest problem from the get-go is that...THIS IS NOT THE AMITYVILLE HOUSE! They couldn't even secure a home that looked "somewhat" like the original haunted house that everyone knows so well, so...the moviemakers just opt for saying that this "haunted" home is "in the same area" and has "the same history" as the original spooky home. Okay, so...they don't even have the setting or location to live up to the title, but heck, does this stop those crazy folks over at A$ylum? Nope. They'd use a bathtub in place of the ocean if they thought a JAWS knockoff would earn them a coupla bucks. We then switch to a NEW family renting this...er, Amityville Home that's not REALLY the Amityville home (no wonder the movers didn't know the story behind the house---because it's THE WRONG HOUSE!!!). Due to "financial reasons", this is all the new family can afford. The Realtor dies when they agree to rent the place (she just falls dead on the front steps!) and later, one of the movers falls down the steps (when the camera has a "glitch", of course) while trying to lift a box upstairs...yet Dad still says "this is all we can afford. Despite the history of the home...we GOTTA stay here." This one is told through the roving camcorder that the tweenster son runs around with, and the videography is truly atrocious. The camerawork makes you seasick, even watching this thing on a small portable device. There's endless footage of empty rooms, wood floors, sneakers padding along the wood floors, and dad putting up those PARANORMAL ACTIVITY cheapo video cameras around so we can have a couple of LONG STATIC SHOT ANGLES of empty rooms where...a door might be pulled open by fishing line. The long, drawn out story is so boring that it becomes hard to follow. Dad is a strict military guy that places demands upon the family. The daughter is a slut that invites boys in everywhere they live to have great sex and get back at overbearing dad. Evidently, this is why they keep moving so much...because they can't control the daughter. And why they MUST STAY in this haunted house located near the REAL house in Amityville, California. Anyway, a neighbor boy is dogging the daugher (or trying to come into the house) and crazy dad stops him and...somewhere OUTSIDE of the house, neighbor boy gets killed. I think. Mom is...just a terrible actress that keeps saying "we have to leave this place" and "get that camera out of my face, I don't feel like revealing my emotions on video." There's a younger daughter that has an imaginary friend who can barely deliver her dialogue without smiling, and the "misunderstood teen" behind the camera definitely cannot act, convey emotion, or hold that camera steady. Okay- have we seen this before? House alarms go off. Doors open and close. There's hand prints on the wall. Dishes break on the floor in the kitchen. Everyone runs around screaming. More video cameras are installed. More endless raw footage is cut into the movie, and whenever something "interesting" MIGHT happen, the screen goes COMPLETELY BLACK and a graphic comes up and says "damaged footage"! Or there's a loud sound and the screen goes black and we HEAR screaming or something happening. I don't know...nothing happens and we never really see much until the end. Is it the kid who killed the family in the original AMITYVILLE HORROR? (And if the lazy writers would've done their homework, this guy could NOT be a ghost...since he's STILL ALIVE and doing time for the crime during the movie's time period!!!) Is the little daughter being possessed? Is dad going mad? Will mom learn to act during this production? Or is this just a largely improvised PARANORMAL ACTIVITY ripoff with an outline for a script that makes absolutely no sense at all? The cops show up and do pretty much nothing after the neighbor kid is killed (except confirm that it's the kid's blood and tell the family they shouldn't be living in the spooky house that's not really the house!) and...I don't know, this thing stretches on and on and on, it feels like it lasts about thirteen weeks by the time we get to the ending where there's some flashes of "ghosts" (folks dressed up in Halloween Express makeup) and everyone gets killed, kinda sorta, except for...well, if you're REALLY that interested, just try to watch the movie. That way you have to suffer like I did!

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