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08.17.2017
Anaconda 3: The Offspring (2008)
Movie Review by The Gravedigger
05.19.10

Anaconda 3: The Offspring (2008) A pharmaceutical company in Eastern Europe, Wexell Hall, is trying to develop the Amazon Blood Orchid, which was recovered in ANACONDA 2, in to a new drug. The plant can be used to stop aging in humans and destroy such ailments as cancer. Only there's the small problem that it's toxic to humans. However, it's not to the anacondas so they are using them as a sort of biological filtration device. Andy the serum they have produced to make it non-deadly to humans has mutated the anacondas they have captured, making them bigger, faster and stronger. In fact, they even have more human-like faces and barbed tales, not really anacondas at all. The movie should be titled "Funky Weird Snakes". Dr. Amanda Hayes (Krysta Allen), the blonde, attractive scientist in charge, wants bigger accommodations for her reptiles which is unfortunately ignored by her employer, Mr. Murdoch (John Rhys-Davies), a billionaire.

Murdoch wants results quickly because he's dying of cancer and wants to use the cure on himself. But he aggravates the snake by shining a light on it and it breaks out of the cage and spears a technician with its wicked tale. It dismembers a lot of other people but doesn't eat them. So there's a plethora of parts about. It's also a "Queen" snake, whatever that is. I think maybe they were getting this flick confused with an ALIEN movie.

A mercenary for hire is brought in to capture the beast and this is David Hasselhoff. He's hired by Murdock to kill the queen but bring back a baby for 10 million dollars. At the end there are all these bright green CGI snakes slithering about and when we think they are all destroyed a hand reaches in and picks up what is clearly a baby boa constrictor. The filmmakers make no effort whatsoever to match it with the CGI snakes. I guess they figured that by this time the story was so convoluted it didn't matter what the hell they did. This all makes me leery to watch ANACONDA 4: TRAIL OF BLOOD...

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