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10.22.2017
Bear (2010)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal
01.14.11

Bear (2010) If you've ever found yourself curiously scanning through Red Box and are unfortunately like me - a person of particular taste and not giving a shit about films like "Kick Ass" or "Salt" - than you've probably come across "Bear" and have been conflicted; torn between it's awesome cover art and the fact that it's IN RED BOX! Knowing it would suck, though also being one who enjoys a good bear mauling, I reluctantly watched "Bear" and was blown away by it's total shittiness...

Here's the genius plot: two young couples are in a van. They break down. Bear comes out of the woods and flips their van (twice). They sit in the van and argue about relationships and other such bullshit...

First thing wrong this this movie (and GOD DAMMIT there is SO much!) - these fucking dumbshit kids are obviously just a few minutes outside of L.A. Seriously, there are powerlines/towers in EVERY shot yet their cell phones "don't work". Also, these people seem like they'll be fine as long as they stay away from the string that is clearly shown as a means of keeping the trained bear from wandering too far off screen or maybe the boom operator could've helped since he had his share of screen time. This fucking movie actually has crew members running in front of the camera!

Overall, no suspense, no gore, presumably no script, terrible use of daylight in established nightime scenes, and most of all... no point! However, I'd completely recommend paying a buck for the purpose of picking it apart with some drinking buddies...

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