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10.17.2017
Black Christmas (2006)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal
12.09.10

Black Christmas (2006) Maybe I'm just too far gone in the Christmas spirit - sittin' here sipping on my eggnog rum and sporting my mistletoe belt-buckle, but I didn't hate this flick! Yes, it IS a travesty that some low-life, horror hating bastard went ahead and remade such an important entry in the genre, though I couldn't help but get a kick out of the trashiness in this one. "Black Christmas '06" wasn't trying to be a 'smart' or 'innovative' refurbishment - it barely even came across as a remake. Hell, don't think it was even suppose to be taken seriously! Anyone who's seen Bob Clarks original proto-slasher masterpiece can't argue that this flick only relates to it in TITLE alone...

So, instead of a mystery killer, a sorority house is invaded by a former resident who killed his parents back on Christmas, '85. The kid, Billy, suffering from a liver disease that gave his skin a sickly yellow glow, accidentally caught a gander at his wackadoo mother and her lover killing Billy's father so they locked the kid up in the attic where he wound up impregnating his mother... He got out... and fucked them up, Christmas style! Years later, with the clever use of a sharpened candy can, Billy escapes from the psych-ward and heads back home...

When Billy starts snuffin' out these sorority bimbos, the gore starts flying fast and furious. Mainly in the form of skull and brain matter, as this movie seems to favor cranial impalement's and eyeball plucking. I liked the whole Christmas cookies made out of human flesh gag and the fact that they managed to slip in the soft glow of electric sex that is the infamous leg lamp! Nice touch. Of course, the nonsensical ending involving the reveal of the brutish sister/daughter inbred was MUCH too goofy and dumb. Plus, I found myself getting increasingly more annoyed with the line "You're my family now!".

Overall, it seems like you are either capable of having fun with "Black Christmas '06" or you ain't. I'm a devoted fan of Clark's original classic, of which this thing can't compare, though if you can stand colorful, Christmasy, incredibly mean-spirited, holiday splatter-fests, you may possibly get a kick out of this retarded bit of entertainment.

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Rating: 8.3 out of 10.0 - 3 votes cast total
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