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Friday the 13th (2009)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal

Friday the 13th (2009) My immense dedication as a fan to the "Friday the 13th" franchise enabled me to see beyond the "remake" label of this new version and treat it as just another entry in the Voorhees saga, as I'm hoping most fans did. However, it didn't quite live up to my expectations as a vital "update", though it is entertaining for what it was. Director Marcus Nispel, the Germain film-maker behind the "Texas Chainsaw" remake and the viking action flick "Pathfinder" supplied this movie with what he obviously interpreted as "key" aspects to the renowned 80s camp-slasher genre, mostly in terms of dark wooded areas and stereotypical characters... What he completely failed in was accomplishing the right tone and attitude of the "F13" predecessors, which somehow, was lost somewhere along the line. This movie does not acquire the adequate "feel" of a "Friday the 13th" movie which is crucial to the fans, who realize there is no room for tinkering with glossy style when it comes to Jason. You know, as dopey as it sounds, I actually liked "Freddy vs. Jason" more than this! At least in that Jason had a zombie-like presence and some "style" to his murderous mayhem... Here, the J-man appears as a much too charismatic and underdeveloped psychopath... What I mean is, he just didn't seem threatening enough and did not involve enough suspense into his screen time. Somehow, he seemed to be given too much personality in all the wrong ways... He seemed too "real" while he was supposed to seem inhuman, as we were accustomed too. The reason, I suppose, is due to the combining of many different elements taken from past sequels - such as, the Elephant Man sack on the head, introducing the hockey mask, Jason literally running after people, and of course the recap of Mrs. Voorhees' death... So aside from the negative points, "Friday '09" contained plenty of T&A and bloodshed (though nothing spectacular as far as demises), as well as cool camera angles and a decently portrayed Jason (played by Derek Mears). Plus, I appreciate the step up from gimmicks used in the most recent, prior "F13" movies, like Jason in Space, the incorporation of Freddy, Jason in Manhatten, and Body Snatcher Jason... Just good ol' Crystal Lake bound Jason killing dumb kids... As much as those characters insulted me as a fan of the series more than usual by being so damn typical, I only wish they had been killed off FAR more viciously than they were... That opening premise with the horny teens looking for the marijuana crop was completely needless and stupid! The chick hung upside down over a campfire while stuck in her sleeping bag?! Come on!! Well, if you love the old "F13" concept, you really don't NEED to see this, believe me. But if you feel like checking out a straight-forward, contemporary slasher flick than I condone giving this one a look. Just take it for what you can get out of it...

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