So word seems to have gotten around that this ninth installment in the "Hellraiser" franchise (which has undoubtedly been flat lined for the last ten years and four sequels ago) was Dimension Film's last ditch effort to maintain ownership of the "Hellraiser" brand-name. As it seems, "Hellraiser: Revelations" was hastily assembled and released so the studio could hold out for the supposedly upcoming remake of 1987 Clive Barker adapted surrealist horror "classic".
Two young buddies travel from L.A. to Mexico for the expectedly cliche onslaught of drunken debauchery and sex and to be free of their bland, privileged home lives and families. After one of the guys gets black-out drunk and "accidentally" kills a hooker in a bathroom stall, the boys move to another bar to drink more (did I mention this film is brilliant?). A vagrant joins them at their booth and hands them the familiar puzzle box after a meandering monologue of dullness. One of them eventually manipulates the box's "key" to the cenobite's gateway, thus inflicting an eternity of suffering upon the unfortunate soul...
"Revelations" plays out JUST as you would expect, taking into account how little fucking effort was put into this putrid waste of celluloid. As the film begins to wrap up, it takes it's sweet ass time, featuring some of the douchiest over-the-top acting, a plot that is SO goddamn uneven, and an incredibly simplistic and unsatisfying "twist" ending. The make-up and gore effects are shitty and mostly recycled concepts from previous "Hellraiser" movies and, gotta mention, the "new" Pinhead (a.k.a. Fat Faced Pinhead) made me wince in annoyance with each on screen appearance that disgraced this, already, deplorable travesty of a film. Honestly, I couldn't care less about any "Hellraiser" remake in store for the future, but they definitely lowered the bar by vomiting out this extremely ruhed piece of garbage before hand. Even the shittiest of Hollywood remakes would glisten with promise compared this shit heap.