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Hills Have Eyes, The (2006)
Movie Review by The Undertaker

Hills Have Eyes, The (2006) Damn...this is some good shit here! This remake fucking delivers more so than I would have ever expected. Honestly, I was never a huge fan of the original so to me this was the most perfect candidate for a redo, more so than Dawn of or Texas Chainsaw. The new Hills blows away the old in my view and you know how I love old shit. Any film that begins with nuclear blasts and 3 or 4 pickaxe murders is fine with me; if you've read my review of My Bloody Valentine; you know how I feel about the lovable pickaxe. You all know the story by now (it is a remake), so there's no big surprise there. However, the brutal way in which the shit is delivered makes it well...the shit! Once the Hill folk attack, we get to see a smorgasbord of violence and filth like nothing I've seen since The Devil's Rejects, in some ways maybe worse. Let's see, killed the female dog, which down the road opens a very cool canine vengeance cycle from the Beast which still lives, molested, beat, and raped the teen hotty, held a baby at gunpoint then sucks some titty milk from the older sister while the freshly raped teen has to watch, gut-shot mom who bleeds to death later & the coup de grace, bites the head of the family's canary and drinks the blood like popping the top on a fresh PBR. I mean come on, I can see everything else as fair play, but what did the poor bird do.... haha! Getting the picture yet? No, not that I can create one hell of a run-on sentence, but that someone can create one helluva remake. Did I mention this is all well set up and perfectly paced? Did I mention big daddy getting burned alive during the whole shebang? Oh, there's cannibalism, necrophagi, animal mutilation and eating, animal mutilating human, and plenty of brutality to round the time out. You probably need to go see this thing. This is much better than the over-hyped and slightly disappointing Hostel. Wes Craven had some input here and how cool is it to work in remaking your own film? The family's fight for survival and vengeance is just as brutal as what has befallen them and the ending is fitting. Kinda a happy one... or is it?

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Rating: 8.8 out of 10.0 - 32 votes cast total
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