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Inseminoid (1981)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal

Inseminoid (1981) I wanted to like "Inseminoid", but I could not. Many of the cheezy 80s "Alien" knock-offs I've seen have at least entertained me in a so-bad-its-good or an I'm-just-glad-I'm-drunk kinda way, but this flick took itself FAR too seriously for me to even summon enough phony optimism to find a shread of 'good' in it. This was terrible...

What we pretty much have here is a film that swapped all of it's exposition entirely for lousy gore effects and mild sleaze. On some kind of baron planet, there contains a base of researchers - one of which is impregnated by a bug-like alien resembling that of a praying mantis. Due to her rapidly growing spawn she becomes extremely hostile and, for almost the rest of the movie, tries to kill the rest of her crew...

Not only do we NEVER see the praying mantis creature again or is it ever really explained, but we are forced to sit through an excrusiatingly slow-paced movie whose "villain" is a mom-like blond woman in a sweater! She seems to possess super-human strength as well as an inexplicable rage and one of the most annoying screams ever. That scream was so fucking frequent at a certain point, that I actually chewed off my right index knuckle and ground my molars to bloody knubs. Here's a tip: don't lose track of your volume button if you insist on watching this. Okay, so she kills some people before giving birth to two rubber alien babies for some reason (because they do nothing of any importance) - then we transition briefly to a new batch of space travelers - one wearing a cowboy hat the others all sport motorcycle helmets as a means of interplanetery life support...

Dull! If you feel the itch the watch a stupid "Alien" clone, check out "Creepozoids" even though most of the low-budget 80s sci-fi market resorted to the same thing over and over. I'm going to erase "Inseminoid" from my memory bank right... now.

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