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10.24.2017
Machete (2010)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal
09.09.10

Machete (2010) Man, I've been excited about this shit for a while! As you surely know, "Machete" evolved from the fake trailer incorporated into the Rodriguez/Tarantino "Grindhouse" project from '07. No doubt, I had a yearning to see that concept made into a full-length modern exploitation-action flick from the start and apparently I wasn't alone...

Literally EVERYTHING about this flick is gold; from Danny Trejo making it as a top-billing action star to Steven Segal playing a villain. Machete was a Mexican Federale whose wife was killed by a druglord during a rescue mission gone wrong. Now roaming through Texas with nothing left, he is offered $150,000 to assassinate an extreme right-wing Senator who is intent on ridding their state of illegal immigrants. Turns out the hit was a set-up, leaving Machete framed for just wounding the Senator for the purpose of public support. He is badly wounded himself and is now on the run. When the "inside" men find out that Machete survived the faux-assassination attempt, the plot thickens and the violence escalates incredibly!

To be honest, I really loved this thing! Tons of limb chopping, guns blazing, tits, ass, and all the over-the-top "Grindhouse" craziness you could ever ask for! Trejo gets the job done as the dead-pan renegade badass with some extremely creative ways of dicing people up. Jeff Fahey... I mean, you couldn't ask for a better fucking bad guy! Jessica Alba is okay. She gets naked once but I really didn't care about her otherwise. Michelle Rodriguez is one SMOKIN' HOT senorita, as usual, and definitely takes one for the team. For the record, I really have a thing for tough chicks with eye patches ever since Christina Lindberg's rampage as ol' "One Eye". Lindsey Lohan plays a drugged out whore and the irony had me laughing my ass off, but she's a godawful actress and kept hiding her tits! What was the point of her? DeNiro makes the most of his screentime as the harsh bigot politician and is pretty funny most of the time. Cheech Marin also pops up as the gun-toting padre from the trailer and Tom Savini is around just for the hell of it...

Of course, the violence is plentiful and very gritty. You've got Trejo hacking his way through a dozen people at a time, complete with a 180 spin resulting in about a half-dozen decapitations. Also gotta love him swinging from a window by a guy's intestines... He definitely takes no prisoners! This shit's just awesome! Aside from the exploitation violence and nudity, "Machete" also offers up a nice social statement on some pretty "heavy" issues, such as immigration and boarder patrol, yet WITHOUT shying away from constant Mexican stereotyping. This was indeed surprising and often hilarious...

I would love to see this thing develop into a franchise.

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Rating: 5.7 out of 10.0 - 7 votes cast total
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