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Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) The main consensus on "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" tends to be primarily negative - people often calling it a tedious excuse for director Lucifer Valentine to showcase his vomit obsession and satanic beliefs through shoddy film-making methods, or whatever. Even so, this movie unmercifully beckons to all of whom are fans of 'extreme' cinema, such as myself, leaving them with the urge to see it for themselves... My view on Valentine's self-proclaimed custom genre, suitably dubbed "vomit-gore", was pretty split...

First off, the plot of the film is seemingly non-existent or maybe just so unintelligible through it's 'surrealistic' approach that you need to be as crazy as the director to understand it, but it appears to revolve around a run-away stripper hiding out in a motel room. She is clearly bulimic and is losing her mind... The entire movie is comprised of shot after shot of grotesque 'flashes' featuring the stripper puking, getting naked in the dark, other women being viciously murdered, the stripper stripping some more, the stripper talking about how fucked up her life is, a dude using a severed arm to induce vomiting (fair warning: there is a lot of vomiting in this movie), vomiting on corpses, and blood vomiting...

I can't say I just flat-out 'hated' "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" because it IS a different kind of film and incredibly nightmarish and unsettling and, typically, if a film can play that particular card properly, I am left with minimal complaints. The problem is - in the span of 70 minutes, the cryptic imagery, constantly distorted audio, and droning sound effects become far less interesting and make the movie feel an hour longer than it was. I strongly feel SVD could've been condensed to a twenty minute film and NONE of the 'impact' would have been lost... Plus, the vomiting thing I don't have a real 'problem' with. Yeah, it's gross but tolerable... for a while, but at times, though, it got to a point where I realized: how long am I supposed to sit and watch a guy drink and regurgitate his own puke in a continuous sequence? There really are a lot of reoccurring elements in this movie that start wearing thin after a while which brings me back to my point that the film is too long.

That said, the movie does have a few good, disgusting effects thrown in (the eye gouging, for example), as well as tons of full-frontal female nudity from the hot, puker-broad. I can't really call any of it "erotic" due to the fact that the vomiting scenes were kinda 'boner-killers' and after you see a chick induce vomiting enough, she drops a few notches on the "sexy meter" for me... Still, she had a nice bod (wonder why...). The editing, of course, is all over the place - like an extended music video set to awesomely bizarre lines like "I don't know what's left of me, but you can fuck it" and "I'm an expensive whore". I'll give Lucifer Valentine props for dishing out some great, morbid stuff here! So, I may fall into some kind of minority for saying that "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" is not a completely worthless film, as many people say, though it isn't amazing. Definitely not for everyone and it does get pretty LONG at times, but it's still a cool 'head-fuck' movie and an undeniably personal bit of film making that most may no be able to 'absorb'...

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