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Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)
Movie Review by The Mortician

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013) All right, I'm a big fan of the CHAINSAW series and of course, the first two classic films by Tobe Hooper can never be topped! EVER! So I went into this latest Leatherface incarnation with no expectations at all, and you know what? It's not too bad. If you expect this to be something grande, you'll surely be let down. This movie purports to be a 'psuedo-sequel' directly to Tobe Hooper's original film, and we're treated to flashbacks of the classic orignal during the opening credits. With Sally getting to the authorities, the Sawyer residence gets burned down by angry townspeople within the first few minutes, and only Leatherface and a baby survive. The baby grows up to be Alexandra Daddario, a young hottie that inherits Grandma Sawyer's giant house, eventually discovering she is of the Chainsaw Clan lineage when she and her friends arrive to check her new digs out. Her friends are quickly dispatched by Leatherface in some harrowingly brutal sequences (including a riff on the 'hung by a meathook' bit where the vic is then graphically sawed in half by Leatherface---wow, so much for today's 'R' ratings, eh? If only today's generation understood how repressed the gore was back in the '80's and '90's!) until he discovers that Grandma's replacement is his cousin. The town has a lot to hide, including a crooked mayor and a sheriff who regrets letting the Sawyer place get burned down when it did, but everything works out in the end when Alexandra teams up with Leatherface to get even with those responsible for the vigilante tactics. Thing Batman and Robin here, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo! Come on, people, Leatherface always had partners! I loved the scene where Alexandra is chained up in a meathouse and her shirt is wide open, giant breasts nearly spilling out, but later when she escapes, she's buttoned up! That's my biggest beef with this movie, which really reminds me a lot of Wes Craven's silly but excellent follow-up endeavor THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2, where nothing much made sense in terms of correctly following up the original movie but it was still a fun and entertaining time. Hey, Leatherface has his spinning saw, vics are impaled, smacked on the head with hammers and axes, meathooked, chainsawed all up in graphic detail, and in the end, it's quite obvious that 'The Saw Is Law' Sawyer Family will eventually be back to their clan-ish madness once again. (Don't forget to watch past the end credits for a great bit where Alexandra's foster parents show up at her new place! Classic!) TEXAS CHAINSAW has no logic or continuity in regards to itself or the entire CHAINSAW series, but that's actually what makes it so fun to watch---just roll with it and have a good time. Also noteworthy in the film is Scott Eastwood, Clint's son, who looks just like dad in certain shots! Incredible! (And hey, didn't Clint himself start out in REVENGE OF THE CREATURE and TARANTULA?!? It's like we're in a time loop here!) Clint, er....SCOTT...Mr. Eastwood...is suitably horrible in his part, delivering his dialogue Ed Wood style, but I loved it and hope that he keeps at it---because if he improves, I'd love to see him as Dirty Harry's son, taking up where dad left off! That would be really cool! Anyway, you can do a lot worse than this TEXAS CHAINSAW offers (try THE NEXT GENERATION on for size---this one is a MASTERPIECE compared to that disappointment, easily STILL the worst in the series!!!). Just sit back, ignore the lack of logic the film has, and enjoy Leatherface revving up the saw for another round of mayhem, gore, and hot chicks! Recommended for diehard slasher fans and those that love sequels so bad that they're good. All others...use extreme caution!

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