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Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
Horror movies, reviews and more at buried.com
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VHS (2012)
Movie Review by The Mortician

VHS (2012) The hype machine was cranked up high for this one all throughout 2012. It's a shot-on-DV, point-of-view, found-footage anthology horror anthology movie "from the perspective of America's top genre filmmakers"---none whom I've ever heard of with the exception of the ultra-talented Ti West. The POV footage genre started with BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, died down for a bit, and of course NOW...has exploded to the point where probably one in three horror movies highlight this style in some form. I'm a big fan of anthologies, so I went into this thing with an open mind. There's five segments and a wraparound story, all shot shaky-cam style to the max---and I think they overdid this a bit, because we've all seen amateur video before and by now, deep into the 21st century with a zillion ways to capture video footage (from i-phones to tablets), I think most people at least TRY to keep the camera STEADY so others can view it. V/H/S goes overboard on the camera whipping all over the place with out-of-focus shots. It actually gets difficult to watch even on an old 4:3 tube TV set, which I viewed the movie on. The wraparound story is about a few punks who smash up private property and go around grabbing women and ripping their shirts off for the camera, so we start out with energetic madness and breasts a 'bouncin', always a good way to get the viewer's attention. From there, our punks are hired to break into a house and steal a VHS tape, and they find a dead guy and hundreds of tapes. They decide to view a few of the tapes, and all of them are "found footage" video stories with deadly endings, pretty much. Each director handled a story, and the first one, while a bit overdrawn, is good. Some horny dudes go out to pick up chicks and document their conquest with one of them wearing "video glasses"---neat idea! Anyway, they hit the clubs, pick up the chickies, and wow, we're treated to some full on nudity here, including bush! I'm always amazed when I buy movies like this at Wallyworld! Anyway, things go awry with the girls they pick up, and one of them is something...more than they bargained for. Loads of blood and a graphic castration highlight this movie, and I loved the clever ending and the way it was shot. Soaring! The next segment is about a married couple on a trip, and basically, it's their boring travelogue footage for the most part. In various hotel rooms, it appears someone might be stealing their money and slightly molesting the wife, but it's not too exciting overall. There's more than a few scenes where the horny hubby tries to get some sexual action on video from the fairly hot wifey, but dammit, she won't show any skin. In the end of this travelogue video, one of them is murdered and I actually had trouble figuring out what exactly happened or why. Waaay too drawn out with the "reality tour" footage- we've seen folks' home videos of vacations before, and they're no fun to watch when you know the people... Next up is a video with some more teenyboppers heading out to a lake, and the chicks are very hot, but sadly, in a skinny-dipping scene, the only one to shed clothes is an overweight male! I might add that in the first segment, there's some dong a' flappin' for the ladies, but...enough's enough! In a shot on video movie, one of your greatest ASSetts is hot ass---and these ladies should've shown the goods! Fess up! Segment is not bad with one of the chicks leading everyone out to the isolated woods area as "bait" for this serial killer that she faced before. Only he can't be seen with the naked eye, he's kind of some kind of thermal magnetic "stuck on tape when the tracking is fucked up" manaic that shows up on tape like a low-rent Horace Pinker. Still, pretty cool, but again, the ending kind of made me scratch my head, and come on, America's Greatest Directors- the dudes can show backside and tube steak, so let's see the ladies show curvy breasts, hard nips, and slits of love! That's for your audience, man! The next segment is kinda creepy and cool, all shot from the point of view of webcams, a boyfriend/girlfriend couple communicating long-distance via camchat. The perky little girl is nice enough to give us an extended view of her breasts, so I'm happy! Onward it goes with the chick being a little bit neurotic, cutting herself and seeing ghosts or apparitions of possible children or those little maniacs from Cronenberg's BROOD running around...Are they real? Is the boyfriend making his gal crazier? Strange twist ending on this one, but can't complain about the ending, where we get to see another gal pop her top and show us those white globes! Niiiiiice! At this point, strangely enough, we go back to the wraparound story and that ends with blood and mayhem of all sorts, which was awesome including a nice little beheading, and then we're into the last story, I believe. This one really dragged for the first ten, fifteen minutes...just endless "reality" footage of a few dudes heading to a Halloween party at this abandoned house. Once it gets cooking, though, it's satisfying enough. They encounter some kind of witch being sacrificed upstairs by some zany cult and try to rescue her. On the way out of the house, things go all paranormal on 'em and I must say, the CGI effects with spinning dishes, apparitions, hands coming out of the wall, and all that jazz was very neat, especially for a small budgeted flick. So they get the witch or ghost or whatever she is to the car and things get crazy, the car stalls, and the boys are in for a bit of a surprise...as was I! Very nice way to end this set of video craziness. I could feel the pain of that last shot! I'll just say this---KABOOM! So while V/H/S is a little long and some of the 'reality' improv stuff is tough to sit through, it's still not a bad little movie overall. There's plenty of female nudity, some nudity for the ladies to boot, and lots of gore. As I mentioned, castrations, bones cracked, beheadings, stabbings, intestines ripped out, and handycam chaseout POV shots that got SPLAT in the night. I also liked the way the movie used video in its transitions with the blue screen and tracking problems (I still watch video TAPE myself, so I'm used to it) and it was also nifty the way the reality footage was recorded OVER other quick snippets we know nothing about and only get snippets of. More opportunity to throw naked ladies in, which they did with dude's trying to tape their old ladies having sex. Too bad the ladies always get wind of it before the panties go down and throw a fit---kind of unrealistic in this day and age, though. Most of the ladies I know get all hot to trot when I bring out any recording device, soooo...let's get real here and let the horny ladies enjoy being taped like it really is! Anyway, you can do a lot worse in the POV genre these days, and while V/H/S is rooted in the very clichéd "raw footage makes a story" genre, it's still slightly fresh with some good moments. Not the classic I hoped for, but overall, you could waste a lot more time just looking at random crap on Youtube, so might as well look at some random crap with a twist of nudity, sex, and violence, right? Not bad, looking forward to the follow-up! B-minus, overall.

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