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“Pissin’ on the Neighbor’s Mini-Van”
(Sung to the Tune of "Winter Wonderland”)
Urine stinks
hope they’re listening
on their van
I am pissin’
hiding just out of sight
like I do every night
pissing on the neighbor’s mini-van
Eats away at the paint job
a yellow stripe for the fat slob
I whistle a song
in tune with my dong
Pissing on the neighbor’s mini-van
In the morning they will smell an odor
and wonder what the hell is going on?
I’ll sit by the window
gently laughing
and plan my next attack
just before dawn
Later on
I might be sneaking
to their window for some peeking
it may seem a bit rude
but wifey sleeps in the nude
and I’ll have my dick well in hand
In the evening after I’ve been drinking
my bladder will be filled to the brim
I’ll take a short walk out the backdoor
and unleash a golden shower upon the rims
Is it raining?
Doubt it honey
but something smells kinda funny
my puddle will greet
their shoes and their feet
pissing on the neighbor’s mini-van
The Little Runner Boy
(sung to the tune of The Little Drummer Boy)
His mother told him
To run run run run
From every catholic priest
Just run run run run
Don’t believe the lies he breathes
My son son son son
What he has in mind
Is not fun fun fun fun,
just run run run run,
run run run
He’s a pedophile, drunk on
rum rum rum
Here, carry this gun
I’m not an altar boy
you scum scum scum scum
Now put that thing away, I’m not
dumb dumb dumb
Why can’t you use a prostitute to
cum cum cum cum
Instead of little kids
We run run run run,
run run run run,
run run run run
You should be sliced and ground into
chum chum chum chum
And sealed in a drum
Do you even understand
what you’ve done done done done
Ruining children’s’ lives as you
hum hum hum hum
You’ll soon rot in hell
I’m numb numb numb numb
Line up these religious hypocrites
And gun gun gun gun,
fun fun fun fun,
gun gun gun gun
Keep your kids away from church
Tell ‘em to run run run run
Maybe help will come
Frosty the Dopeman
(sung to the tune of Frosty The Snowman)
Frosty the dopeman was a mildly happy soul
With an old crackpipe and a runny nose
and two eyes squinting like a mole’s
Frosty the dopeman was no fairy tale, no way
He wasn’t made of snow, but the children know
that he used some everyday
There must have been some magic in that
old syringe they found
For when they stuck it in his arm
he began to jump around
O
Frosty the dopeman
was as wired as he could be
And the children say he could smoke
all day, much more than you and me
Puffetty Puff Puff
Puffetty Puff puff
Look at Frosty go
Puffetty Puff Puff
Puffetty Puff puff
Hey Kid, Where’s my blow?
Frosty the dopeman knew
his shit was hot that day
So he said
"Let's run and
we'll have some fun
before the cops take me away
" Down to the alley
with a crackpipe in his hand
Running here and there til’
he burnt his hair, saying
”Shit I is on fire man”
He rolled around in the garbage from town
right into some big-ass cop
And he never even heard him
when the police hollered "Stop!"
For Frosty the dopeman
was all ready on his way
But he waved goodbye saying
"Fuck you guy,
You ain’t gonna catch my ass today
" humpetty hump hump
humpety hump hump
Look at that crackhead go
humpetty hump hump
humpety hump hump
Gotta have that dope Mofo’
(Godzilla’s) Up On The Housetop
(sung to the tune of Up On The Housetop)
Up on the housetop I here Claws
Sounds like Godzilla not Sandy Claus
Crushes our house like it’s a toy
There goes all my
Christmas joy.
Chorus
No, no, no!
He wouldn't go!
No, No, No!
He wouldn't slow!
Destroying the country
Damn, damn, damn
I’m sure glad
He’s in Japan
First comes the city
of Tokyo
It’s always
the first to go!
Send all the people
to their death
with your
radioactive breath
Repeat Chorus
Next He’s going
To fight some moth
Pull those stupid
wings right off
Don’t worry about
those two tiny chicks
they ain’t even big
as a Japanese dick
Repeat Chorus
Oh Christmas Tree
(sung to the tune of Oh Christmas Tree)
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!
Y’all sure looks right Christmasy
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
A fifth of Jack’s inside of me!
My trailer here’s a double wide,
But we ain’t got no food inside.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
My wife’s out whorin’ again you see
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
She better have her ass back home by 3!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
I am piss drunk and I gotta pee!
I promise I’ll try not to drool,
When my step-daughter gets home from re-form school.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
If my wife knew she’d kill me!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Would you like to play poker with me!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
I’m real poor so will play for free!
Every year at Christmas time,
my wife and kids, they bitch and whine.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Firewood you soon will be!
Silent Night?
(sung to the tune of Silent Night)
Silent night, Time to fight,
Joseph’s Pissed, Who did this?
How’s a virgin having a child?
Mary got drunk and got kind of wild,
Someone got them a piece.
Someone was in Joseph’s crease.
Silent night, this ain’t right,
I guess it was kind of tight,
It all sounds like an excuse to me,
Jesus who is your daddy?
Guess nobody will squeal!
But a DNA test will reveal!
Silent night, Mary might,
have rode more than a donkey one night
Every time Joseph leaves out of town,
Mary’s panties mysteriously fall down,
Can we take God to court?
And make him pay child support!
I saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus
(sung to the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)
I saw zombies eating Santa Claus
outside in my backyard late last night.
He let out a horrible scream
as they tore out his spleen;
and then the undead went to work dissecting his reindeer team.
Then, I saw zombies disembowel Santa Claus
then they ate his beard so snowy white;
Risen from the grave
It’s human flesh they crave
And I saw zombies feast on Santa Claus last night.
Watch Porno Sung to the tune of Let It Snow
Oh the video selection was frightful,
But the adult room is so delightful,
And since I can’t afford no ‘Ho,
I watch porno! Watch porno! Watch porno!
I’ll never show signs of stopping,
And a woody I will soon be popping,
The lights are turned way down low,
So watch porno! Watch porno! Watch porno!
The wife and kids are fast asleep,
They’ll never hear the VCR cut on!
So down to the den I creep,
I’ll be busy from dusk ‘til dawn.
Not getting caught is tricky,
And the remote control is sticky,
Where did those Kleenex go?
I watch porno! Watch porno! Watch porno!
I'll Be Home(less) For Christmas
(sung to the tune of I'll Be Home For Christmas)
I'll be homeless for Christmas;
Living inside an alley.
right beside Joe, the one-armed wino
Who’s just a bit smelly.
Christmas Eve will find me
Sleeping in my cardboard box.
I'll be homeless for Christmas
Can someone please spare me some socks?
Grandma Got Sodomized By A Reindeer
(sung to the tune of Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer)
Grandma got sodomized by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus was seen holding a camera
As two elves forced poor Granny to her knees.
She'd been puking from the egg nog,
When she decided to finally go.
She’d barely made it off the sidewalk,
When she was grabbed and her Depends flung into the snow.
Now isn’t this disgusting?
I think I’ve hit an all-new low.
However it gets even worse friends ,
Just read the verses written down below.
Grandma got sodomized by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus was seen holding a camera
As two elves forced poor Granny to her knees.
We all feel the pain of Grandpa,
And we hope his trauma somehow finally ends.
But what can you do to ease the suffering,
Of a man who’s wife’s been corn-holed by Rudolph and his friends.
Guess we should call the police now
that they have left her sprawled out on the street
Or go get a fuckin’ shotgun
And get ourselves a thousand pounds of fresh deer meat!
Grandma got sodomized by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus was seen holding a camera
As two elves forced poor Granny to her knees.
I guess reindeer dig elderly women
Why this is I do not know
Better hide your own grandma
Before she gets mistaken for a doe!
This is the worst thing I’ve ever thought of
I can’t believe you’ve even read this far
I guess we all know the truth now
about how sick buried.com’s readers truly are.
Grandma got sodomized by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus was seen holding a camera
As two elves forced poor Granny to her knees.
The Twelve (Horrid) Days of Christmas
(sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)
On the first day of Christmas,
some asshole sent to me
a nest filled with killer bees.
On the second day of Christmas,
some asshole sent to me
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the third day of Christmas,
some asshole sent to me
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the fourth day of Christmas,
some asshole sent to me
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the fifth day of Christmas,
some asshole sent to me
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the sixth day of Christmas,
some dickhead sent to me
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the seventh day of Christmas,
some dickhead sent to me
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the eighth day of Christmas,
a som’ bitch sent to me
Eight cobras for milking,
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the ninth day of Christmas,
some brown-noser sent to me
Nine zombies prancing,
Eight cobras for milking,
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the tenth day of Christmas,
some piece of shit sent to me
Ten ghouls a creeping,
Nine zombies prancing,
Eight cobras for milking,
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
some fuck-face sent to me
Eleven creatures griping,
Ten ghouls a creeping,
Nine zombies prancing,
Eight cobras for milking,
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
some dumb-ass sent to me
Twelve witches slumming ,
Eleven creatures griping,
Ten ghouls a creeping,
Nine zombies prancing,
Eight cobras for milking,
Seven vampires a grinning,
Six severed heads a sprayin’,
Five scorpion stings ,
Four mummy turds,
Three dead friends,
Two werewolves,
and a nest filled with killer bees
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