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Bikini Girls on Ice (2009)
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Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal
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08.27.10
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"Bikini Girls on Ice" excelled far beyond my expectations. As far as modern slashers go, I've been pretty underwhelmed with shit like "Hills Run Red" and "Laid to Rest", but this flick added something to mix that I wasn't entirely expecting. Something unfortunately lost in the shuffle throughout the years. Something I hold dear. In-yo-face styled savagery! Yes, a certain ferocity and primal, intense, mean-spirited "edge" to the brutality that you just don't see in B-movie horror flicks like his anymore...
A bus load of hot college trim break down out in the sticks, right outside a seemingly abandoned gas station. While the studly yet questionably respectful male friend tries to fix the engine, the girls decide to put on their soapy, bikini car-wash fund-raiser there instead. Then, one by one, they meet Moe, the inexplicably deranged mechanic who has been hiding in a nearby house and begins viciously murdering the girls so he can bury their bodies in ice cubes for some reason...
There is never any motive explained as to WHY Moe is killing and freezing these chicks (though one particular scene in which he is shown violently humping an icebox left me with a few assumptions), but I definitely didn't care. Seriously, there is no bullshit or punches pulled here. No back story and No personality getting past this crazy killer - just rage and retard strength! The guy never speaks, nor does he wear a mask. He doesn't even sneak up on anyone - just charges them from behind and bashes them with a shovel much, much longer than needed or just stabs them with various tools. I don't care - that's fucking cool! Even Jason showed some charisma. Moe, on the other hand, has none! I love this guy! It's not even a gory film at all. We typically just see Moe's contorted face and hear his frenzied grunts as he angrily amps up the body count with blunt-force bikini-babe-bashing. For a highly enjoyable slasher flick with a true 80s "feel", grab yourself a copy of "Bikini Girls on Ice"...
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Rating: 7.0 out of 10.0 - 3 votes cast total
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