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Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Movie Review by The Undertaker

Dawn of the Dead (2004) Wow, I really never expected to see a remake of one of horrordom's most classic films, but damn if we didn't get one, and it's piss poor. I wouldn't say unwatchable; I'd watch again for the tittys from that whore chick and zombie baby, but otherwise not much to wet your panties about here folks. The Texas Chainsaw remake was okay in my book and actually enjoyable, this thing here is bullshit. Soils the good name if you ask me. Just go buy that new DVD edition of the real film and you'll be a whole lot happier, trust me. The problems here are numerous, starting with way too fucking many dumbass characters. It was like some kinda damn half-assed basketball team showed up, I couldn't keep up with who was who much less care about character development. Secondly, the fast moving new dead suck ass! Did they see 28 Days Later and figure they'd steal that shit even though that WASN'T a zombie film? I'm sorry, but I think rigor mortis would prevent most dead from running around like Carl Lewis on crack, so can that dumb shit. The zombies have no personality. I remember not a single scene or gore scene except the baby. The original was a cornucopia of great zombies and gore scenes. This was the one area where I thought they'd do something cool, but no! Just a mindless, blank unmemorable mass of digitized crap for the most part. Sucked. The worst thing to me was the totally stolen ending from Cannibal Holocaust. Great formula here, remake one film and steal the ending from another! I was almost shocked at this crap. I really hope this film doesn't ban horror films from mainstream release forever. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come!
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