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Devil Times Five (1974)
Movie Review by The Undertaker

Devil Times Five (1974) No it's not a movie about demons learning their multiplication tables, it's basically about watching some mean ass kids really put a hurtin' on some adults spending time at a weekend getaway. It stars a young Joan McCall, who's looking good and showing some boob in this one. The lady playing her sister here is very hot and doesn't mind letting her top fall a time or two, check out their little wrestling catfight scene for some extra enjoyment here. She plays the role of 'bad' girl very well, and rarely wears one of those horrible bras. Anyways, where were we? Oh yeah, mean kids... right, they do all kinds of evil in this thing. I never was exactly sure about why they were so pissed. Were they possessed by the devil or ghosts? Were they just pissed off and mean? I felt a bit lost on that part of the story, so maybe a re-watch is in order soon. These kids pretty much hit the ground running though when it comes to murder as they cause a van carrying them somewhere to turn over and soon head off, killing anyone unlucky enough to cross paths. When they show up at this family's little weekender after hiking through the woods, the bodies begin to pile up. The adults quickly feel sorry for the band of lost children, taking them in and trying to help 'em. What they should have done is called social services and got this bunch picked up and shipped out. They don't, so we get a movie filled with nasty deaths at the hands of the kids. One kid thinks he's a soldier, bossing the others like a colonel. One wants to be an actor, but he has a thing for dressing in woman's clothes... strange kid. The girls are even weirder with one a fire freak, one dressing like a nun and flipping out now and then, and the last fairly normal aside from putting piranhas in people's bath water. This movie kicks ass after the kids begin popping off the adults. A hanging, a drowning with piranhas, a burning, a spearing, and a couple more nasty visuals will keep you glued to your set watching. By the end, the head of the family has been made into a snowman literally, with the tykes playing around him like Frosty or some shit. The last poor sucker still kicking decides to beat some kiddie ass, but is soon sagged in a couple bear traps until the nun slits his throat. Tired of the house and the fun, the children hit the road for greener pastures... and more victims. Devil Time Five is very worth seeing and one more reason why kids suck. Beat one's ass every chance you get. Just kidding, I think.
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Rating: 8.1 out of 10.0 - 9 votes cast total
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