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08.17.2017
Friday The 13th Part III (1982)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal
10.16.12

Friday The 13th Part III (1982) Ah, "part 3" in eye-popping 3D! Even when watching this one again without the 3D capability, I still managed to enjoy the continual attempts to affix the "Friday the 13th" experience with distended murder implements and body parts. Eye-popping!

The third film in the vast Jason Voorhees chronicle finds yet another assemblage of kids on their way to a farm to do some sexin', some druggin', and some dyin'. The kids in this one are the most mismatched yet. Somehow, a jock piled his pregnant girlfriend and chubby, prankster faggot roommate into a van with a couple of stoner hippies who look like they could be these kids' parents. I assume the hippies were invited along on their trip because they can ONLY be the main weed source since they are constantly smoking, yet hardly anyone else smokes any weed once they get to farmhouse and the hippie couple don't even hang out with the rest of the group at all! Plus, why would you invite along the fat loser? Is his bottomless trunk of joke props and incessant self-loathing typically the life of the party? Easily one of the most annoying characters in horror history. Him and his jew-fro should've been drowned at birth. I digress...

Pretty much everyone knows this is the one where Jason acquires his hockey mask from the fat nerd. Wow. He was good for ONE thing and there are a few decent kills to be had. The chick in the hammock with the Fango mag was good and very reminiscent of the Kevin Bacon murder from the first film. The best kill was definitely the hand-stand guy getting power-chopped upside down from balls to neck! Good shit! The showdown in the barn toward the end between J-man and the survivor girl was pretty cool, as well. Gotta love that OTHER throwback to the original when Mrs. Voorhees launches from the depths in her sweater, oozing worms from her rotted skull. Classic. "Part 3" is damn entertaining.

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