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Last Stand, The (2013)
Movie Review by The Mortician

Last Stand, The (2013) Okay, so you're probably saying...why is an Arnie action movie being spotlighted on this horror site? Well...Sly and Arnie (yeah, like I know them by their nicknames...but YOU know who I'm talking about too, don't ya?) are responsible for HUGE BODY COUNT movies, especially in the 80's and early '90's, and this one is Arnie's big return to the scene. Oh man, it was GREAT! Ashamed I didn't make the effort to see this in the theater...It's just splendid to see Arnie back, doing his COMMANDO/TRUE LIES style gig again: all the action, mayhem, gunplay, and one-liners you need. Really, really, really a cool movie with a good story- car chases, shoot-outs, one-on-one confrontations, and it was just a spectacular time all around! Terrible that the movie bombed so badly, but I think part of it was America was in an anti-gun mood with all the real shootouts that had sadly happened so recently (same as for Sly's BULLET IN THE HEAD flick as well) and also, Arnie kind of ruined his "solo" comeback appeal a bit by appearing in two EXPENDABLES movies where he really didn't do that much...(Glad I saw that last EXPENDABLES in the theater, though, it is an awesome view!) But LAST STAND is great if you like old school Arnie and wanna see him doing his thing again. The action scenes are great and the shootout violence is cartoonish and fun---one character even gets VAPORIZED in a cloud of blood by one of the big guns in the flick! Arnie probably also should've made his comeback vehicle with a movie franchise he was known for (say, a TERMINATOR movie?) like Sly did with Rocky/Rambo, though, as opposed to doing something original, even though LAST STAND is very much what Arnie does best! The scenes where Arnie kicks the badguy's asses again were so good tears of joy were streaming from my eyes! YESSSSS! It's been far too long since he's been gone, folks. It was just such a great, cathartic experience seeing him in action again, like catching up with an older relative and finding out they are still the same super cool person you remembered them to be all those years ago! And why the heck Arnie wasted 10 years in politics is beyond me...imagine all the cool movies he could've given us during that time period?!?! But everyone has to follow their own paths, I suppose, but...sure is good to see him back doin' his thing. If John Matrix of COMMANDO would have retired to a small town in his golden years and become Sheriff, LAST STAND is what would have happened for sure when the bad guys came to town! It's like the retired version of all of Arnie's best characters are embedded in his character and he's called into action one more time! And plot...Plot?!? There's bad guys comin' to town, Arnie is the Sheriff! He assembles a ragtag A-Team crew for defense! What more do I need to say? See it! See it now!!!

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