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My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Movie Review by The Undertaker

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009) Long time since I wrote a revy, so why not go with a remake of one of my fave slasher films ever. I remember it like it was yesterday. I always wanted a sequel (see my review of the original), but no dice. Well, umpteen years later, I get a remake... in 3D no less. The remake idea, as with all the remakes so far, both excites me and annoys me. All horror fans, especially us "older" fans hate the thought of touching "our classics", but usually they ain't that bad and spark some new interest and fans if nothing else. I mean, am I gonna go see this or fuckin' Dog Hotel or some other Hollywood bullshit. Valentine 3D wins that race. Honestly I was scared the 3D would suck after buying Journey to the Center of the Earth and it sucking hard on DVD. I couldn't see shit and it gave me a headache. Fortunately, My Bloody Valentine's 3D FX worked wonderfully, gave me no headache, and I got 2 pairs of free digital 3D glasses (unbeknownst to AMC) to boot. The 3D shit really was cool. From the eyeball popping out on the tip of the pick-axe, to Tom Atkins' (a great genre vet) lower jaw being pulled out toward the screen, it all worked well and probably will be what everyone remembers about this. It was a good remake filled with gore, some decent nudity, and enough fun to keep most modern ADHD audiences away from their cell phones long enough to watch. Let's face it, the story is pretty predictable, the acting could be better (except for the girl who played naked slut Irene who will get an Oscar), & no new slasher film ground is broken anywhere here. You'll guess "who did it" 25 minutes in more than likely. Still, they did pay tribute to the original enough for me to care and enjoy with or without the 3D hype, which had way too many fuckin' commercials. MBV3D packed some great kill scenes which I'll remember for a looonngg time. I loved how they snuck one in from the original too in a different way. This is primed and ready for a part 2 also, which they should have fuckin' done for the original damn it!! If so, I'll go 3D or not 3D, cuz what's better than pick-axes busting skulls, tits, and hearts being torn out? Even though this doesn't have the creepy feel of the classic or the Schlitz, I'd recommend it. Now, the Friday he 13th remake is less than a month away...never thought I'd see this & Last House on the Left looms as well...; Hollywood....gotta love it.

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