...so spoke the announcer at the end of the televison commercial for this movie during it's theatrical release. It was spoken in that deadpan, matter-of-fact voice right after the memorable "You don't have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre" tagline.
Well, for someone like ME, kiddies, that was like the old "drag the carrot on a string for Bugs Bunny" trick: I KNEW I HAD to see this one...I mean, the R-rated movies would let you in with your folks, but this one said "sorry kid, I don't care if your old man IS buying the ticket, you CAN'T see this"...but thanks to video rentals in the next couple of years, I WAS able to watch this what in MY mind was the Everest of horror movies.
Now, anyone perusing this movie or reading this review should likely understand that if the film's title is "Pieces", you really shouldn't expect master thespians nor outstanding cinematography nor pretty much anything ELSE in the level of technical or professional greatness.
However, for horror fim fans, there's a gold mine. You want blood? You got it. Dismemberment? Yeah, we got that too. Gratuitous nudity? Well of COURSE. Twisted (if somewhat predictable) plot? You betcha. From the opening sequence to the shocking (and almost physically painful) ending, you are grabbed and held...enough so to make you overlook the transparent story and largely pedestrian acting. The movie drags a bit in places, but never long enough for you to really fall out of the mindset.
And as all of us horror-philes know, bad acting is and of itself something to cherish...there's one line spoken by the second-banana police detective (Not the lovely Lynda Day, but the other, male detective...although Miss Day has a doozy of her own) that my friends and I STILL use to this day that was so over-the-top, so over-acted, that it continues to get a chuckle every time we hear it. I won't spoil it, but I'm willing to bet you'll know it when you hear it.
I'm not even going to get into the absolutely pointless but equally hilarious scene with the Asian professor...that you should experience for yourself.
I definitely recommend any horror, slasher, or exploitation flick fans to add this one to their collection...
...ah, but you'll only be admitted if you're over seventeen:)
"Absolutely No One Under Seventeen Admitted..."
