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12.16.2017
Re-Animator (1985)
Movie Review by The Mortician
02.23.15

Re-Animator (1985) When you think back on movies you've seen, instantly your favorite scene pops into your mind. Of course, with 1985's RE-ANIMATOR, I immediately conjure up images of a fully nude Barbara Crampton, tied down spread-eagled on a table, with a reanimated headless body lowering its decapitated head between her legs so it can properly lizard tongue her hot snatch! And yes, this scene is actually in the movie and blond knockout Crampton is LUSCIOUS and BOLD in her performance! Beautiful breasts, nice nipples, shapely ass and exposed bush! No Linnea Quigley cod piece covering her love mound, either, as we see nicely maintained pubic hair throughout the shots. Imagine the view actor David Gale had when his "real" head was set between Barbara's legs to give her cunnilingus. Oh man, I hope he was a method actor and just went to town on her, I know I would've been unable not to indulge! I read somewhere that Gale's wife was on-set when those scenes were shot, I hope she was one understanding lady! Anyway, this scene of over-the-top zombie sexual mayhem has stayed with me since '85 and wow, I was lucky enough to see this flick in the theater several times, of course. That scene on the huge silver screen...WHEW! The story follows Professor Herbert West (played with zeal by Jeffrey Combs) who invents a serum that can re-animate the dead. Kicked out of other medical schools for research gone awry, he ends up at Miskatoni University to continue his work and bunks with fellow student Dan Cain (Bruce Abbot). Dan is dating Megan, played by the sultry Crampton, which leads to confrontations in living arrangements (especially when Dan and Megan are trying to get it on). Adding to the complications is Doctor Caril Hill (David Gale), a professor at the medical school who has is at odds with West and has perverse eyes for student Megan (thus, explaining the scene I described above after Gale is killed and re-animated by West. In this scenario, the FRANKENSTEIN-ish plot unfolds with a full-scale zombie outbreak in the school's morgue at the end. RE-ANIMATOR, along with RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, is still one of my favorite zombie movies of all time. The gore is over the top, the black humor is at a fever pitch, the acting is top-notch, and we have a scream queen willing to show off ALL of her hot bod and do anything to convey scenes of twisted sexuality. Call me a perv (and you'd be right), but this is what I love about horror movies. Even near the end, when Crampton is fighting off zombies in an itty bitty rain coat, we catch glimpses of her heart-shaped ass and pubic hair in many moments that I have freeze framed to death (no pun intended!). Crampton is my kind of actress, unafraid to show it all off, enjoy it, and be unapologetic about it today. Plus, she's so hot I want to just shoot my load thinking about her! Wild, over-the-top gore and a great story (inspired by H.P. Lovecraft, nonetheless) highlight director Stuart Gordon's first feature, and it's every bit as good today as it was on opening day decades ago. My one beef with the movie is the plagiaristic soundtrack score by thieving Richard Band---even though it fits the movie perfectly, I wish the filmmakers would have simply licensed the classic Bernard Hermann PSYCHO soundtrack or given him some kind of decent credit. As it stands, Band's contribution seems to be nothing more than lazy copycat work, not a the "homage" he describes. Minor beef in an otherwise flawless film. Oh Barbara, flash me one more time, babe! Pleeeeeeeeease! Gonna go put my disc in and give it a spin again, right now! Ironically, I bought my unrated DVD copy of this movie at Wallyworld in the $4 bin!

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