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Return of the Living Dead, The (1985)
Movie Review by The Mortician

Return of the Living Dead, The (1985) Oh man, there was nothing in the world like seeing Linnea Quigley's fully nude erotic graveyard dance (as Trash) on the big screen for the first time back in the day! The fact that she stripped ALL THE WAY DOWN, revealing that shaved snatch, enticed me even more. I couldn't believe I was seeing a FULLY NUDE WOMAN on the huge silver screen like that and couldn't get her hairless snatch out of my mind. What a bold, erotic scream queen Quigley was...I was immediately obsessed and blame this wickedly enticing sight partly on my love for shaved beavers even now. Of course, try as I might, I never could spot her pink folds of lusciousness and years later, I learned Quigley was actually wearing a flesh covered cod piece of some sort to cover up her vagina. What a letdown, much of my imaginative lust and speculation about her unabashed performance blowing away like ashes in the wind! The thought of her prancing around FULLY NUDE like that on the set, enticing cast and crew with her exposed slit, followed by millions of watchful moviegoers, just sent me wild! Still, she was NEARLY nude for the most part (and for most of the film), and I can't help but think...MAYBE there were times when she DIDN'T wear the flesh codpiece? Surely there's a flash of pink somewhere, right?!? Subliminally, like Sharon Stone's beaver shot in BASIC INSTINCT? Gotta hand it to director Dan O'Bannon, he was a perv, creating more pervs like me with his erotic visions. Ahhhh, sweet Linnea, at least there are places where you CAN see ALL of her on the Net and even a current fully nude spread she did in a recent GOREZONE left nothing to the imagination, soooo...she's still one of my top fave scream queens, full of uninhibited behavior and unabashed eroticism! Oh, now, the movie...yeah, RETURN is one of my favorite horror comedies, a perfect match of horror and humor that doesn't insult the horror fan. Thom Mathews, Clu Gulager, and James Karen are pitch perfect in their parts as medical supply warehouse workers that accidentally unleash a gas (from Government barrels stored in the basement of the warehouse that were sent to the wrong place) into the air that re-animate the dead in a nearby graveyard. Mathews' punk rock friends were messing around in the graveyard (including the aforementioned nude dance by Quigley) and get caught up in the zombie attacks. This movie introduced fast-moving zombies that mainly wanted to eat your BRAINS and it's just a riot from top to bottom, respectful of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (since it is a pseudo-sequel that references the original as a real movie!) and true to its horror roots while remaining very funny in the way the characters interact. Great dialogue, gruesomely funny situations, awesome music, fast zombies, and an incredibly downbeat ending highlight what remains to be one of my all-time favorite zombie movies. The special effects are spot on, the music is punk and anti-establishment and somehow this bizarre mish-mash of elements and tone come together and work in the best, most entertainingly possible of ways. I always have a good time re-watching RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, and did I mention...Linnea Quigley goes fully nude in the movie?!?

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