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Seventy Five (2007)
Movie Review by The Spastic Cannibal

Seventy Five (2007) The only reason I bothered with this, really, was because it was a relatively new flick that had Rutger "Disneyland" Hauer among the billing and, as everyone should know, Hauer is awesome! Otherwise, I was expecting to hate "7eventy 5ive" with a rousing passion and for the majority I DID. Granted, the movie flip-flops between concepts that were actually decent as well as points that were lifted straight from the post- "Scream" slasher trend of the 90s. The opening scene depicts the victim of a kid's prank phone-call frantically invading the home and mutilating the occupying adults with an axe. Ten years later, the same kids are off to a remote mansion for a drunken college shindig where they revive their old crank call amusement which - wouldn't you know it - leads to a hooded madman showing up and going berserk on their lushed, stupid, over-sexed asses! This is actually when the movie gets kind of cool. The killer (while looking exactly like the "slasher" from "Urban Legend") is suitably vicious and actually dismembers one sorry sap in pretty grisly and frantic manner and proceeds to decapitate a guy, mid-jacuzzi blow-job style! Something about this ten minute killing spree upped the stalk-n-slash factor with a more veracious and, dare I say, refreshing quality than most "Scream" influence garbage. Then, as quick as it starts, it ends and regresses to the dumb ass, wuss kids running around, locking doors just in time, and sleuthing around for car keys while just staying in the house FAR too long! It drags this sorry premise out until an excruciatingly annoying "twist" ending that completely derived itself from the lackluster 90s "fad". Rutger "I'm going to sit here and you're gonna drive" Hauer is featured for only about five minutes TOTAL, but I could see his name helping distribution. Also, Evin "Magic" Johnson randomly pops up in the beginning credits as a producer which perplexed me to no end... Overall, I'd say "7eventy 5ive" is worth a look since you could do a lot worse and at least you get a few decent kills and a small amount of bare titties. For what it is, it's decent enough.

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